Hi Ladywolf,

You are right on some points and I don't need or want anyone to feel sorry, I made my choices and I have and will live with them forever.  But I didn't wake up one morning and decide to walk out on my sons or even leave my wife. There were months of agonizing over leaving the marriage and only because of my boys I didn't  leave earlier but regretted it.

Then making the decision to leave the country was no a "hey I am tired of paying I'm gonna run to Canada" like people did during the draft, no that wasn't the case.  We are talking about 5 years of battling with her to obey visitation orders, taking her back and forth to court, and not gaining an inch of the battle. All during which I paid from the heart.

We were a 1 working parent family, I paid for the bills, rent, food, medical, and so on with my one salary as a Bread Delivery Man working for a small bread company in the inner city.  I paid healthcare for 4, rent, electric, so on including vacation in the summer.  She didn't work, outside nor inside the house. I came home from work and washed clothes, cleaned the bathrooms, vacumed and prepared food for my kids.

I admit, New Jersey is the highest state for cost of living but I did it and even provided excellent Christmas's and bought decent clothes for my kids and ex.

I didn't come here to whine and look for anyone at all to feel sorry for me, I came here to tell my story and call attention to the ass backwards laws on child support and custody in the State of New Jersey.  It is regretful the situation that I created but I remember one lawyer that talked to me told me "It is easier just to have her killed, her family is in the mafia, just have her killed, it costs less and is a long term solution". At the time I laughed but don't think that those words haven't haunted me for these years as well.

For those of you who have fathers who were asses (like mine) I am sorry for you, for those who have fathers who don't want to see or know you I am truly sorry, it is their loss (not yours).

Regards

NJ Deadbeat Dad

You need to look at the guidlines about what child support is it is about the groceries the rent and so on! Even with a job how do you expect one parent to do all this bY themselves?? My mother went to college she studied until the early hours in the mourning get a couple of hours of sleep and go to her classes she did this for until i was 18!!! When she finally gradutated from college!

You are right not all situations were the same but the way i look at it is you walked out on your sons life you were the one who gave up!  Your ex might have said all that but you should have never run from them because that made her story seem true to them!

Now because of the choice you made to move you are living like a fugitive if you are asking me to feel sorry for you i will not because you made that choice knowing full well what would have happened! 

My mother never cut my father down i knew what he was like when they were still married!

Sorry I forgot to mention one thing...

Child Support is not so you and the custodial parent can have a "better life", the idea is that your custodial parent WORK!  Yeah there is that four letter word, "WORK" and too many custodial parents think that Child Support is for paying the bills, buying groceries, and so on.  It is not for that and if the custodial parent is not willing to give 150% to provide that roof, food, clothes and Education for the children then they should not be the "custodial parent".

I am not pointing the finger at mothers or fathers but at the custodial parents.

Our friend I mentioned did fine supporting her daughter alone for 14 years without the financial assistance of the "sperm donor" and I have seen many other mothers and fathers in worst situations do better than 2 parents living together putting together their resources.

I am not whining about paying, I paid from the day I left the house before the court ordered it and I did it with love not anger.  But the law doesn't work when it allows these types of situations to happen.  I am not the poster boy for Deadbeat Dads, I didn't and don't make alot of money but I am glad that my son woke up and wanted to see and hear the truth and thank god for these 16 years I saved every piece of paper, receipt, phone bill and court paper to show them what their mother told them was a lie. 

She was a DEADBEAT CUSTODIAL PARENT and there are alot of you out there.

At least this year I will spend Christmas with one of my sons (first time since 1990.

Regards

Hello Young Man,

I obviously don't know how old you are today and really only see the situation as you write it here but I understand what you are saying.  The thing I want to say to you is be clear with your father what really happened.  My son's mother told them "Your father left and doesn't want to have anything to do with you", she told them I never called and never came and never sent christmas cards or gifts.  All of which were lies which made it easier for her to continue behaving the way she did (not working and treating the boys badly) when my oldest son turned 18 he came looking for me and my family (his mother also denied him access to the grandparents and aunt) and he was received with open arms and love and put in contact with me.  We had the opportunity to chat and discuss what had happened but he decided that he didn't want to continue in contact with me or his mother.  He resented both his mother and I for what happened and decided he needed to live his own life.  His brother who is 3 years younger decided that he was going to break into his mothers lock box and did and found all of the court documents and my filings which were in conflict of all of the things his mother told them.

We met on Facebook after not seeing or having contact for almost 18 years.  His memories of our time together was quite positive and wanted something that his brother didn't, to come and meet me.  My sister works for an airline and thus got him a family pass to fly here and we had our first meeting.  It was awesome, we clicked immediately and seemed like we had so much to talk about.  Within 2 days he decided that he wanted to come back and live for 6 months and study spanish and within 5 days it was a year.  He went back home, we kept in contact and just 7 days ago he arrived to live. 

When we met I had no expectations and didn't demand or suggest anything, I wanted nature to take its course whatever it was.  I was fine with it even if he flew 2000 miles just to slap me in the face and go home.  It was more than I ever expected and the day that he went back was like the day that I lost contact with my boys the first time.  Heartbreaking?  Yes.

Maybe your case is different, we have a friend here who has a 15 year old daughter who's father told her over the phone like maybe 5 years ago or so, "Don't call me anymore I have a new family now, you are nothing to me".  He has never paid a penny of support or assistance and her mother wants ZERO from him.

Remember every situation is different, no two are alike and of course there are fathers who don't want to participate at all in the life of their children for whatever reason.  I was not that father and I am the one hiding in another country from US persecution.

What you do about your dad is your business but let me tell you, my parents never separated but should have.  God knows my sister and I would have been better off and I would most likely have taken less beatings.  But time is short, life is short, I forgave my drunken father who beat me for the littlest thing a long time ago (I am 51) but my sister has not (she is 48).

Hopefully one day you will fully understand what happened and not let it affect you as an adult.

Regards

NJ Deadbeat Dad

All these so called dads who whine about paying child support and want to cry let me tell you how it is from a child's point of view!!!!

When i was 13yrs old my mother and dad got a divorce he was court ordered to pay $60 a month which he cried it was too much so the judge dropped it down to $25 a month which we never got except a few times, My mom was putting herself through college So we never had much money even from welfare because what little money he did send they would take it out of the food check which was $150 a month! I had to go to school with handy me downs or a $20 tennis shoe that i would have to wear until they were hashed! That money would have saved us from a lot of anguish and despair and tears. Every night i would listen to my mom cry because we just didn't have the money for me to do things that i would have liked to like go to the movies, shopping with friends, and other fun stuff that kids should enjoy!! she was the one who felt guilty not him! ( i never had any contact with my father until i was 18 then he wanted me to call him daddy  and wanted to see me! I told my mother no way he never cared about me to send child support why should i care about him! Oh and my father never bought me a dang thing! He wanted to be out of my life at that time so now he got his wish! yes you can say i hate him! because to me any father would have wanted to pay that support so that their child could have a better life!

So i say to you all if you do not pay your child is smart enough that they will know and you are only making it worse for yourself and that child!!!

Hello all,

This is a topic that has been a really sore spot in my spine for many years (17 to be exact) but this year things all seem to be coming to a head or coming apart at the seams.

I am father of 2 children who today are age 26 and 23 both of whom are no longer living at home.  In 1990 when I separated from their mother the court in New Jersey (the worst on fathers in the country) awarded their mother rehabilitative alimony and $600 dollars a month in Child Support. 

I was awarded by the court Visitation on a schedule of every other weekend beginning Friday after school and ending Sunday night at 8PM I had to pick them up and drop them off at their home (90 minutes from mine) and I had every other holiday and 2 weeks in the summer.

Maybe lets back up a little, when we separated I took nothing from the house I left all there for the kids to have a complete home.  Immediately I also began giving their mother $150 dollars a week in assistance for the kids since she didn't work in all the years we were together (when we got engaged she quit her job citing problems with co-workers and I assumed all of her bills and car payments).  Anyway, a few weeks after the separation began the police arrived to my office with a warrant for my arrest for failure to pay child support (this is before divorce papers are filed and before any process began) seems that my ex went to the county welfare office and told them she was getting no assistance from me for the kids and requested aid from them which they were paying and of course under NJ law the father was required to pay the county.  Thank God I had only paid her using Postal Money orders each week and saved every copy which was the only thing that kept me from spending a night in Jail.

The Sheriff stated that they were going to charge her with Welfare Fraud and making false statements which they did and the judge tossed it out and made her pay back at $5 dollars per week until repaid.  I mean all the judge really had to do was make me pay for it anyway.

The divorce came and went and in her papers she accused me of everything from being a wife abuser to Gay (really I mean Really) and the court date came and went without a hitch we got our divorce and yeah the judge ordered me to continue paying $150 per week for the 2 kids and $25 dollars a week to her for rehabilitational alimony.  I mean get a job no?

Now I resent a comment that I read from and anonymos poster saying we are absent fathers.  I worked a full time job 5AM to 5PM 6 days a week, got up for feedings every night with a colicy baby and then a very sick hospitalized baby (the 2nd) and even lived at the hospital for 3 weeks in the room on a cot.  I fed them at night and participated in cleaning the house, entertaining the kids and later helping with everything from Cub Scouts to Homework.

From the first day of the judges order she interfered, violated and laughed at the visitation order.  I took her to court 2 times and the judge warned her but nothing.  Finally I took control of my life and got self employed and was responsible to pay my own child support.  I stopped paying and she took me to court.  I went with pleasure and with a subpoena in my hands for her to appear for contempt of court. 

I explained to the judge that I stopped paying because she was violating his order for visitations and he just told me it was tough luck I had to pay no matter what and if I didn't like it he would just put me in jail.

That was my last attempt to see my children and have a christmas visitation, the judge denied the request and so I decided to leave the country and start a new life. 

I moved out of the US in 1995 and paid my child support up til the judges final order of no visitation came and I stopped paying.  Must have been January or February of 1996.  Thanks to Facebook my younger son and I have connected and today he is living with me (his fugitive father) in Mexico.  His brother also made contact but didn't have the same connection with me as my younger son so we don't talk and he didn't handle the truth of the situation that was as well as his younger brother.  I kept all these years copies of everything from all of the phone records showing the calls I made (their mother said I never called) and court motions that I filed and made all in futility.  He came to understand and asked to come and live with me in Mexico and he does.

He told me that I can never return to the US since I have a warrant for not paying child support and owe according to the county more than 100 thousand dollars (this for a person who earns $500 dollars a month in Mexico) which I can never pay.  Currently I am in a difficult situation as my parents are getting very old and very sick (my mother 78 years old has lung cancer) and of course I feel that I can not even go to her death bed.  Today I don't have a passport or anything, I am living illegally in Mexico although I am married to a Mexican since 16 years ago I don't have even a legal piece of identification.

I think it is hopeless since not even a lawyer will say "we can work something out with the court".

The story is much longer but I shortened it for the readers.

Regards from Mexico

Deadbeat Dad from NJ

i truly sympathize with both sides of the families. everyones situations are different.  my husband has an 11 year old daughter from a previous relation-ship. he and i have a 5 year old daughter together. he has paid child support for 11 years faithfully and without arrears. on top of the child support we still pay for everything that  she needs. cell phone, clothing, hair appointments, karate, gymnastics and dance classes. without complaining (most of the time.) Her mother has 2 other smaller children from previous relationships. whos fathers do not pay ANY child support. She recieves child support from my husband and everything else from the state. hud, medicaid, AFDC, whatever is offered to her. she only works 2 months out of a year  in order to file an income tax return.she is pitiful. my husband graduated from college in the spring after 4 long years. we have struggled with working 2 and 4 jobs at times, just to make ends meet during this time. in august those 4 long years paid off. he now has a job where he makes a little over 100,000. his ex calls 2 weeks ago to say that she cant pay her bills on his "little" amount of child support and she was told by child advocate that she will be awarded almost 2000.00 a month in support. the courts dont look at these women and the type of lifestyles that they have,  my husband will be taking care of 2 kids that are not even his. why does this women need to work with child support payments like this?  this is a paycheck to her. she gets more from child support than from working a real job. when this order is modified who is going to suffer? will i still be able to pay for my childs piano lessons? afford clothing for her? what about gymnastics and dance classes?  how much is this going to affect her?   and this all because of 1 greedy, lazy woman!!

Seriously? - -  said "A lot of hospitals bill uninsured people for hundreds of thousands of dollars when they would only be allowed to bill 2,000 if they had health insurance!"

When reading the last couple pages of this topic I saw this gem of untruth.  You may have provided some information that was true in your posts but this throws your credibility into question as this falsehood isn't even believable to someone who has zero medical insurance knowledge much less anyone who does. 

This is from The New Slipknot CD ALL HOPE IS GONE, a the song name is ALL HOPE IS GONE.

The state of the nation - violation!
A broken promise is as good as a lie.
The hell is humongous, the devil's among us
and we will burn because we won't unite!

We won't witness anymore freedom.
Where is anybody? Do we need 'em?"
I would rather fight,
than let another die.
We're the problem,
but we're also the solution.
ALL HOPE IS GONE!!!

If you want you cannot take it from me.
If you think you can, you still don't know me.
Let me tell you, when I said it, I meant it
and I will always have the right to defend it.

Fifty seconds, a hundred murders.
The bill of rights is a bill of sale.
What will you do when the war is over?
What will you do when your systems fail!?

[chorus]
We have made the presence -obsolete.
What do you want?
What do you need?
We'll find a way,
When all hope is gone!
We've seen the fall of the elite.
Bury your life,
Take your disease.
We'll end the world,
when all hope is gone!

[chorus]

The wretched are the wounded,
The hungry starved to death.
At a place where no-one goes,
the air itself is a final breathe.
So discontinue,
the antisceptic cash charade.
As the cry of justice comes,
I'm gonna let this fire free!

I am the reason your future suffers.
I am the hatred you won't embrace.
I am the worm of a pure distinction.
I am the remedy, spit in my face!
All your lies and wars are out-dated.
All your subjects are dulling mind games.
I can rattle off a million other reasons why
but doesn't matter when the only thing we love will die.

Fooled Me!

When I saw the big RED EYE avitar, I figured it was Joe... then when I read the words, I figured no way would Joe or any liberal here say those words.

Yes,  Its our money, we need to spend it as we see fit, not let the gov have it and spend it for us.

good morning.. everyone..

I would rather keep my money and give it as I see fit than have someone it the gov take my money and give it to who they want.  i work too hard for my money.  I do not want someone who is lazy and not willing to get out and work to get my money.  I have helped people I know whenthey were down.  If I know them and know they are not just looking for a free handout, I have no problem helping the.  I have seen too many people living off the gov who are just lazy.  that really makes me mad. there are so many companies looking for help, and so many people who will not work its just crazy.

I want my money for me and my family.  why shouldn't i be able to keep what i earn?

That was very funny,  I think!   I meant to watch that great video in your SPARE TIME....Don't blame me if you don't do your homework...:(

Totally innocent, thats me...

I love ann coulter, has she mispoke a few times?  maybe... we all have.... but 99% of the time, she is definitely right on...

Shoppe are you sure you don't work for Ann in some way. lmao

How can you say, I would feel guilty about keeping you from doing something. Then tell me to go watch some video on youtube. Seems like you being a little wishy washy. Seriously tho, I don't think I should have much trouble writing it. My problem will be the grammar part. I think faster than I can trype so words get left out and then on top of it, I am really bad at grammar. So I will have to have someone proof read it later, anyways so I am good. Oh, if your curious I am doing a paper on NPL, Reds, and socalism in 1920's North Dakota.

I would feel guilty if I were keeping you from something important...LOL 

SPEAKING OF GUILTY..... Ann coulters newest book,   a must read will be out in january....GUILTY...I cannot wait,  her books are full of humor and ammo....

www.howobamagotelected.com       A MUST SEE VIDEO....  Let me know what you think..